Profile
|
||
| User: | the_1_true_god (3453795) The 1 True Livejournal
Nietzsche Is Dead. |
|
| Name: | the_1_true_god | |
| Website: | One Funny Book | |
| Location: | Zion, Heaven, Israel | |
| Birthdate: | 01-01 | |
| Bio: | I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I am your Lord God, the one great creator, and I am he who created you in my own likeness and stuff. Then again, I retired in 2002. If you have any prayers, go talk to Buddha, your new God. ==================== FAQ: - Jesus is NOT my kid. Seriously, I never even met the guy. - The real commandments I gave Moses are as follows. There's been some mistakes made in the editing over the years: 1) Thou shalt have no other God before me. You can be friends with them, but I Pwn3d all the other deities' bitch asses back in the day. I'm the biggest, baddest thugg on tha block, and I'll not have people giving them props without giving them to me on high and higher still. 2) Thou shalt not take the sandwich of the Lord thy God. Nothing makes me angrier than when I leave my lunch at a table to go perform divine duties elsewhere, and when I get back, my sandwich is gone. I will throw your ass in Hell for that. 3) Honor thy Father And Mother, unless they really, really suck. 4) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass. This is not a perverted statement, it's something I had to lay down due to the People of Israel giving in to the urge to steal a donkey. The old saying about "if they had to make a rule, someone did it?" That applies here. Israelites were stealing each other's donkeys like I was about to get rid of the things. 5) Thou shalt not make or worship any graven images of Johnny Depp. A lot of you here in LJ are going to Hell for that one. 6) Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. This one is for real. That includes calling someone a "fag" when they're not a homo. 7) Love thy neighbor as thyself. Note: This is NOT the Golden Rule, which is an inherently flawed ideal. 8) Remember the Sabbath day and keep it real. Not Holy. I never said Holy. 9) Thou shalt not steal. What's so hard for you folks to understand on that one? Yeah, I'm talking to you, Mister Cheney. 10) THOU SHALT NOT KILL. Out of all of these, I find you monkeys breaking that rule more than any other. I did not say "Except in my name". I did not say "Except fags". I did not say "It's okay to do it if someone killed someone else". THOU SHALT NOT FUCKIN' KILL. Did I stutter? Did I sneeze? Perhaps you're hard of hearing? NO KILLING. EVER. And yes, by "kill" I mean murder. Self defense... eh, if it's for real, I'll allow it, but don't try to claim such if it isn't the truth. I AM GOD, you know. - I have never, ever spoken to George W. Bush, and I wish he'd leave me out of it. - Yes, for the millionth time, Rush Limbaugh is going right to Hell when he dies. - No, editing the Pledge of Alliegance does not bother me at all. "One Nation Under God" is redundant. It's a whole damned planet under Me. - Yes, yes, ha ha, I hear you when you're having sex. I made it that way on purpose, you fools. - No, atheists don't bother me, but they are silly. - I have NO problem with homosexuals. Keep in mind that the Bible is a ridiculous "Behind the God" kind of documentary. To give you an idea: Say someone was doing a biography about YOU, four thousand years from now. How accurate would it be? The bible is a joke, and a bad one. Deuteronomy has all these rules that I NEVER laid down. Fags are fine. I MADE THEM THAT WAY. To say "Homosexuality is a sin" is to question my divine creation, and I will throw you in Hell for that. - There is suffering in the world because you people make it. Or Satan, but he's nowhere near as powerful as what most of you ascribe to him. He's just a cast-down angel, for fuck's sake. No, most of the bad shit on Earth is here because you people put it here. - Yes, I can create a mountain so heavy that I can't lift it. Why does this matter to you morons? - No, I will not tell you the meaning of life. Or if I ever do, I will put it behind an LJ-CUT tag and note it as a spoiler. - Yes, I will throw you in Hell for not helping the poor. If you wanna be a dick, I can be a dick too. - No, the dietary laws of the Pentateuch are no longer valid. You people invented refrigerators. You can have some bacon now. You can even put cheese on it. I love a good BLT with cheddar. - The Beatles were never bigger than me. - Circumcision is your own choice. However, those cultures that practice Clitorectomies are gonna fry, fry, FRY. I gave women Clits for a reason. - Every time a churchbell rings, I do not, in fact, hand out wings. That's insane. - Catholicism... yeahm that's a tricky one. A lot of Catholics are good peeps, but I view the Church as the biggest fanfic writers' guild of all time. Also, just a note: I judge every Pope on their Merits versus their sins, and I have yet to allow a Pope into Heaven. Self-righteous, blood sucking leeches, every one of them. - NO, I AM NOT BILL GATES OR ERIC CLAPTON! DON'T ASK AGAIN! - M.C. Frontalot really can rock a turntable, and I did anoit him as Born To Front. | |
| Interests: | 8: being god, eric clapton, fly honeys, ice cube, me, skiing, snoop dogg, the bible | |
| Schools: | None listed | |
| Friends: | ||
| Friend of: | 295: 4scoreand7, 8_fold_path, __alt_icons, _dubya, _lionhearted_, _mr_death_, _needless_1001, _prime_, _theresheis, aardark, abstruse_soul, aeronwen, ahemait, alexboyo, alibertyhigh, alpha_trion, amalthiakt, amatheran, amused2death, angelbum, antosha_c, aoi_hana, argumentboy, artofweakness, astra_valyesky, ataraxia33, austinbaby28, avahra, bananarep, batoufofhell46, berlinpathos, bigkittywolf, bigpoppaevil, blacklemon, blacknarcissus2, blaireau_bougon, bobbyviciousjr, bobthecow63, bodyvisual, bouncing_gomez, br3nd4, brightspot, c0ma_13, canpin, caramelswirl81, carinn, catbrooks, ceqarht, chasingangie05, chebutykin, cherryrellik, chinchilla_mak, cinderella411, cinicolives, clabrieal, clownshoes, comagrey, crimsonletters, crucial, crucias, cyclophoria, d0kt0r_atk1nz, dancingbarefoot, dancingsnowman, darkmoon_light, davidkingsley, deadlikeice, deeply_pained, dekuchick, demosthenes7064, dianak, dickc, dimplechops, disgruntledgrrl, disney_punk10, distort_japan, djdotark, dominica_alexia, doooooooooooood, doxerssoldout, dying_painfully, ea000blaze, eaglegirl8989, ecstasyinwaves, eireknight, eisforelectric, elasticberries, elyscape, enochxenon, eonii, eowyn_ulysses, equations_rock, erice675, erlking, euthanatosis, exsanguinatrix, fidgety, fire_fox01, fruitbat5150, fuck_you, fuckr, funghoul, funkpower, funkygecko, g_dilly, gangstamylanjc, genki_yasha, gentleman_lech, ghede, givemethechild, goodtimes4eva, gregathis, guyfawkesday, hairyhobbitfeet, happycherry886, harley, heeroxduo, helyanwe, hi_im_buddha, hitomi_chan16, horror_kid, hugmeimapanda, humangraffiti, hummingalong, huwbacca, hyperness_rocks, hyrukpyo, iconoclastastic, illusionite, in2gmdstoday, iniq, iron_lotus, irony_maiden, ishotthedevil, jakelives4ever, jamaicanjungle, jconstantine, jcssexitary, jmanna, kageyabari, kaitheinvader, kanaloa, karinablack, karura16, kategod, kayiin, keeblerkitty, kelticengel, kenupntr, kewdle, ... | |
| Account type: | Basic Account | |
